The first time I decided to write about what happened I froze. It’s only been two months and it feels like an eternity ago. I still tear up. Medical conditions aren’t easy, not just for the patient but for those around them. In my case, it was a week before graduation and I finally had a plan. Moving home to pursue a career in law, getting my JD by 25, already a proud owner of a new car that I saved up for and a beautiful remodeled version of the apartment I grew up in San Juan. So many exciting things were ahead. It was one of those moments where everything seems to fall into place and, finally, things are going my way. They didn’t.

I wrote previously about having a terrible job experience in DC. If you asked me today what happened in that day, I honestly cannot say. I don’t remember, amnesia is one of the many side effects of the condition. Many memories have been permanently deleted from my mind. Is it a blessing? Quite frankly, it’s one of those 50/50 blessing-curse situations. I don’t have complete amnesia, but what I do have is a clear mind that is ready to take on life’s challenges one day at a time.

On May 13, 2018, I graduated with a Political Science and International Business degree from the American University in Washington, DC. On May 12th, I had a grand-mal convulsive seizure at Nordstrom Rack in Chevy Chase, MD. I can’t give details about why or how it happened because I don’t really know. From what I’m told, I was on the floor for several minutes and paramedics from the area arrived at the scene quite fast. I was at the hospital for hours sedated and unaware of what had occurred or why it happened, surrounded by close relatives whom were in DC for my graduation. 

I don't blame anyone or anything in specific. Truthfully, none of my doctors really know what happened. CT scans, MRIs, EEGs and many, many other tests later revealed nothing. "Stress?" Unlikely. "Low blood sugar" Nope, just had lunch. "Genetics?" Nope. "Complex migraine?" Might be. Theres really thousands of theories but the silver lining is that I'm stable and there doesn't seem to be any indicator that my condition is worsening. My priority now it to treat my migraines so that I can really know if there is a correlation or if I just randomly developed epilepsy. 

Today I read an article about the many, many medical specialists that are fleeing the island, in the midst of trying to find a doctor to treat my chronic migraine that has haunted me since age 12. To this day, I still have not found a single doctor willing to take a fully diagnosed patient with a very, very specific referral and instructions on what exactly needs to be done. More so, I have even explained that I am prepared to pay out of pocket if (yes, it has come to that extent) if he/she does not accept my private medical insurer for the treatment that will almost entirely take migraines out of my daily life. I've called numerous offices and spoken to many secretaries and all I've heard is, "he/she is on Vacation, call back later", "he/she does not perform that procedure, you should call X doctor...." *Calls X Doctor*, "Yeah sorry but we stopped taking new patients 3 months ago, maybe check somewhere else." X Doctor, whom I have chosen not to name because I am still trying to get their office to take me, is apparently one of 3 doctors in the entire island who perform the procedure that is needed to cure my migraines. 

I've spoken about my privilege regarding medical care before because it is hypocritical not to. As a reminder my father is a doctor in the island and there are very few people he does not know in the medical field. Usually he is just a phone call away from finding any specialty. He is still trying to find me an appointment, but has not had any luck either. A quick google search has yielded that +100,000 people in the island suffer from chronic migraine. Three doctors in the island are able to treat them.

I am a number. I am one of those 100,000 people who has access to healthcare insurance and means to pay for my health, yet have no provider for a treatment that could potentially improve my quality of life. Debilitating conditions are real, refusing to treat patients because of quotas or capacity is just inhumane and depressing.

But its not on doctors them to fix the problem. A quick poll amongst close friends that have chosen to attend law school presents an important question that has yet to be resolved. 

"When I graduate, I'm afraid that staying in the island will be hard. Insurers take forever to pay and my student loans wont pay for themselves." -- says Future MD #1.

Like #1, many others have this fear. I've pondered enough about what the real root of the problem is and simply put, I conclude it comes to accountability. And I'm not saying that this means scapegoat a political party or a particular subject, but to actually bring medical practitioners to the forefront of public policy, not on the side. Policy in the island needs to take a step back and  begin to look at public health by what it is, an issue of national outrage. Puerto Rico cannot become a "tourist heaven" and fun destination if its own people are suffering.

Very few legislation has been raised about putting patients and doctors first, yet insurers are almost always present in legislative sessions (direct or indirectly). When will it be enough? When will the conversation shift from "Poor Puerto Rico... the island of Despacito, so sad" to:

"Puerto Rico, where life, health, fun and nature live harmoniously"

As I told a current Med. School student, "its not on you [the soon to be doctors] to save the world." It's time for lawyers, politicians and activists to begin thinking about what we want future generations to see us as, do we want to be lazy, ill and on demise? Or are we striving for a future where nothing seems to be impossible unless tried and failed. Thats the island I want to live in, the fight is far from over. Heck, it hasn't even begun! Law school starts in a week, I know where my priorities are, DO YOU? 

With all my heart. 

R